Rates: * *
Why Did I Watch It: Blank Check are doing the M:I films on Patreon.
Ethan Hunt is back. And he’s heading to Sydney – for no obvious reason (tax breaks?) – to try and foil a plan that has something to do with a deadly flu-like virus. Mission Impossible 2: 20 years old, more topical than ever!
Here are the things that made me laugh:
- That Ethan Hunt went on holiday
- And that as soon as he went on holiday, death and chaos erupted (no wonder he never went again)
- That IMF send him a message using a bazooka
- When Anthony Hopkins goes: ‘Well it’s not Mission Difficult’
- When the kindly Russian scientist (who still, you know, invented a killer virus), stops outside his building to stare at a group of children playing: VERY SIGNIFICANTLY
- The number of masks, and mask reveals (the series is known for this, but Jesus!)
- TC and Thandie Newton having the most laboured, wannabe smouldery sexy relationship in film history; capped by an erotic car crash
- That Luther’s base of operations is in the outback, thousands of kilometres from Sydney, and Cruise pops back to see him several times
- The number of kangaroos they see, going to this base
- And that Johnny Polson is the local Australian agent!
- Fucking hell, as soon as Polson appeared on screen I started laughing
- That Polson seems to be playing a character named ‘Johnny Australia’, and every second thing he says is, ‘Yeahhhh, no worries mayte.’ He’s Australian, see?
- That despite it being set in Australia, the villain is American, and the head of the nefarious Sydney based pharmaceutical company is Brendan Gleeson.
- The one Australian actor who is featured prominantly in the cast, Richard Roxburgh, is SOUTH AFRICAN, for NO REASON
- When Richard Roxburgh grabs Polson in a choker hold and screeches at him, ‘WHERE’S THE LOO?!’ (I was actually crying, at this point)
- That the film does capture what it is like to go to a big horse racing event in this country: a bawdy, drunken shit fight
- That it takes TC the whole movie to work out his Russian scientist friend had injected himself with the virus: this is obvious in minute 1
- That John Woo waited 90% of the movie to insert his trademark dove… and then it gives Cruise’s position away!
- And then immediately after this, Woo lets a flock of doves out for the final gun fight
- That they keep messing with the the title format, sometimes using ‘M:I’ and sometimes ‘Mission: Impossible’, and sometimes using a number, and sometimes using a name.
Something that is not funny and was just a dismal reminder of the year 2000:
- Limp Bizkit doing the theme music
Something that was cool:
- The motorcycle chase at the end
The worst (by far) entry in a very durable franchise, but so ridiculous that it is actually a pretty fun watch. Looking forward to the Blank Check ep.